Wash the dirt off our intentions, prattle on about bad inventions

Currently at the Charlie Brown Cafe, and, since it's past 10:00 pm, using the restroom requires walking across the street to the Korean Karaoke Bar (aka THE DEN OF DEBAUCHERY).  Make it to the sixth floor, apologetically tell the hostess where I'm going and why.  Duck behind some chairs, squeeze by some girls who are drinking and attempting to sing (puh-POE-kuh FAY-suh), ignore the sketchy Asian-glow guys (Ni qu nar?), and duck into the girls' restroom.

Shut the door, attempting to muffle the noise outside.  There.  Quiet.  Lean against the wall.  Breathe.  Hear water running into a sink toward my right;  open my eyes. 

What I see:  a [rather inebriated] man, apparently mistaking the girls' bathroom for the boys', had walked in and was currently in the process of using the sink as a urinal.  Scratch, belch.  Double-tap, zip, stretch;  turn around.

*smile* "Oh!  Herro!"
*looks up and down, smiles wider*
"Very beautiful lady!  Qu nar?"

... In case you haven't already suspected, this entry is going to be of the "whiny bitch and moan" variety.  Glorious!

So, while fleeing from the karoke bar -

(Q: Ni qu nar? 
A: AWAY FROM YOU.)

- and to the zhou place about half a block away, I had some time to think about precisely why I'll be glad to leave China in 13 days.  Here's a short list:

1. Bathrooms in every coffee shop.  (Obvious reasons.)
2. Elevators that go to every floor, not just the ones deemed "important".  (Seriously, if I had dollar for every time I'd taken an elevator in a 10+ story building that only opened for the first floor and the eighth, I'd be able to buy a share in Apple stock.)
3. Not being referred to as "beautiful" everywhere I go.  (It's just blonde hair, people, and the attention is incredibly annoying.  I don't like having my picture taken;  not a zoo animal.)
4. Internet and coffee maker from the comfort of my own bedroom!  (And boy, if you think I don't sleep now, you have NO idea how bad it gets when I have constant access to Wikipedia, PhysOrg, Netflix, and OCW sites.)
5. Hot showers.  (I probably smell awful by now.)
6. Not freaking out any time I drink a beverage containing powdered milk.  (Freaking melamine.)
7. Being about 70% sure that if I'm in a coffeehouse at night, a college-age couple won't be horizontally groping each other in the booth next to me.  (Jesus, guys!  For heaven's sake, get a room!)
8. Christmas!  Beer Bike!  All the important holidays!
9. Not being approached on the street, asked for friendship, and then coerced into an impromptu English language instruction session.
10. Oh, and speaking of that?  I get paid in the US.

... Don't even get me started on the coffee quality vs. price.

As for the less-bitchy and more-practical reasons:

1. Once I enroll elsewhere, my mother will be able to declare me as a dependent on her taxes. 
2. Also?  Loan payments won't come rolling in.
3. Math and science!  Math and science, in a classroom setting!  I miss you so much!
4. It'll be infinitely easier to apply for REUs from the States.
5. Taking the GRE also would have been nigh-impossible in Beijing, not to mention expensive;  and I didn't even see testing dates for the subject tests.

Apparently several other students involved in the Chinese Scholarship Council's program have been experiencing the same problems:  lack of communication from our sponsors, lack of resources, frustrating classroom environment, hassles with loans and taxes back home.  I'm not the only one coming back early :-\  And, what's more, apparently this is the first year that the CSC did not reimburse the price of their students' plane tickets to and from China.  Don't get me wrong - I've learned a lot, and this has been a heck of an experience - not to mention infinitely cheaper than traveling abroad would have been, without the program.  The housing situation isn't pristine, and I've incurred many unforeseen expenses, but at least I have a room, right?  And I'm in China! 

Touching on that - I'll miss being completely immersed in a new environment.  I'll miss the people I've met, and I'll miss the food (even though it has a habit of making me sick).  I'll miss how every day feels like a sitcom.  I'll miss being able to see LING 201 in action ("Onety-five"!  "Mouses"!  That's allomorphy, right?), and I definitely will miss the kids.  They really are exceptionally bright, guys;  and incredibly hard-working.

But other than that?  Nope.  I'm ready to come back home.  Heck, I'd leave tomorrow! - I just need to find a duffle bag long enough to hold the bass and the longboard before I do.  There's no way I'm leaving them behind, and I don't trust my Chinese well enough to sweet talk the flight attendants into letting me bring them as carry-ons.

See you soon :)