Saturday, December 25, 2010

[holiday confession]

My dreams bother me.



"Kafka on the shore" "shore of the cosmic ocean" "I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."

Friday, December 17, 2010

RANT RANT RANT

[Note: I'd like to apologize for this particular entry, as it is incredibly emotionally-oriented and reads like a rant Gertrude Stein wrote while PMSing.  So, um.  Sorry about that.  Feel no obligation to read.  You've been warned.  -PB.]
 
 
I give up on romantic relationships. 

Don't get me wrong!  This isn't a depressing concession;  it's more of a liberation.  The majority of my high school's graduating class has already married;  many have children - and, even though "wife" and "mother" are important, fulfilling roles, glancing through their Facebooks has made me realize:  that sort of life isn't for me. 

I feel so young - completely naive, irresponsible.  I can't imagine taking on that responsibility.  Marriage and housekeeping is the norm for a 21-year-old in Itasca, but... I mean, Christ!  Can you picture -me- as a -mom-?  Hell, I can barely take care of myself.  And settling down with a partner?  Honestly, I'm not sure I've ever been that close to *anyone* emotionally :-\

And the divorce rate!

Children (well, at least little girls) are spoon-fed princess tales ending in happily ever afters, but no one ever talks about what happens after Belle ends up with the Beast.  Does he still have anger management issues?  Does his waitstaff still quake fearfully in anticipation of violent outbursts and unreasonable demands?  Will Belle ever blame her husband for not being able to travel, or pursue her dreams of adventure (which were extolled in song at the beginning of the film, but promptly discarded by the resolution)?  Would Belle love the Prince even if he remained a Beast?  And was causing him to change him such an admirable thing?

Even if everything is "perfect" in their marriage - a few petty squabbles, maybe some issues about how to raise their kids, someone not folding laundry properly - about as "perfect" as a marriage can get -  ... is that really an interesting, fulfilling relationship?  That sort of complacency, for *years* - fidelity, monogamy, gradually watching each others' bodies deteriorate, and then finally ending in death (most likely one right after the other)?  Or, even worse, a finale of debilitating mental illness that robs your partner of their memories, like Alzheimer's or dementia?  Being tortured, watching as a relationship you've devoted decades of your life to is gradually erased from your partner's mind until you, your children, your grandchildren are mere strangers? 

And that's just one example of mental illness - there are scores of others, not to mention physical illnesses - all of which come saddled with health care fees.  As if the emotional trauma weren't an adequate burden.  So freaking depressing.  It's like signing your emotional well-being away for a chance to procreate, or claiming "OMG LOVE" just because a few chemicals are sounding off in your brain :(

... Was that what Dustin Hoffman realized at the end of The Graduate? :-\  
"All right, I've gotten the girl!  ... So, um.  What now?  Hamburgers, maybe?"

At any rate, Pajj is taking a break from this whole "serious" thing for a while.  Polyamory shall be considered;  abstinence is much more likely.  I'd like to get to know myself for a while.  Colorado this past summer, Beijing, and... well, the internet! (even though that sounds sketchy) have opened up the world, and, frankly?  There are too many interesting, attractive, and exciting people to even consider concentrating on just one.

At least for the moment.

... Unless that One is Natalie Portman. 
(Then I might make some exceptions.)


At any rate,
<3s and stars
Pajj

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

DISCLAIMER

Let me tell you about the internet.
It's fucking magic.


No matter how much I see, or do, or learn,
there's always going to be more.


Sometimes?
This makes me kind of melancholy.
[I can't know everything?  WHY?]



But mostly, it just feels like being set loose 
in a huge, continuously-expanding toy store.
And sure, there are some crappy toys
and it takes a while to find the Legos,
but when I do?   HOLY GOD.

I have to tell someone.


Other times?  
And some times?
...It's just Star Wars related.


But the point is, 
I hope to get you excited, too.
To ask questions, and maybe
(if I'm really really lucky) 
to get you to smile.

At any rate,

. . . 


... NOT [JUST] BECAUSE I AM ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.



<3s and stars,
Pajj

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Wash the dirt off our intentions, prattle on about bad inventions

Currently at the Charlie Brown Cafe, and, since it's past 10:00 pm, using the restroom requires walking across the street to the Korean Karaoke Bar (aka THE DEN OF DEBAUCHERY).  Make it to the sixth floor, apologetically tell the hostess where I'm going and why.  Duck behind some chairs, squeeze by some girls who are drinking and attempting to sing (puh-POE-kuh FAY-suh), ignore the sketchy Asian-glow guys (Ni qu nar?), and duck into the girls' restroom.

Shut the door, attempting to muffle the noise outside.  There.  Quiet.  Lean against the wall.  Breathe.  Hear water running into a sink toward my right;  open my eyes. 

What I see:  a [rather inebriated] man, apparently mistaking the girls' bathroom for the boys', had walked in and was currently in the process of using the sink as a urinal.  Scratch, belch.  Double-tap, zip, stretch;  turn around.

*smile* "Oh!  Herro!"
*looks up and down, smiles wider*
"Very beautiful lady!  Qu nar?"

... In case you haven't already suspected, this entry is going to be of the "whiny bitch and moan" variety.  Glorious!

So, while fleeing from the karoke bar -

(Q: Ni qu nar? 
A: AWAY FROM YOU.)

- and to the zhou place about half a block away, I had some time to think about precisely why I'll be glad to leave China in 13 days.  Here's a short list:

  1. Bathrooms in every coffee shop.  (Obvious reasons.)
  2. Elevators that go to every floor, not just the ones deemed "important".  (Seriously, if I had dollar for every time I'd taken an elevator in a 10+ story building that only opened for the first floor and the eighth, I'd be able to buy a share in Apple stock.)
  3. Not being referred to as "beautiful" everywhere I go.  (It's just blonde hair, people, and the attention is incredibly annoying.  I don't like having my picture taken;  not a zoo animal.)
  4. Internet and coffee maker from the comfort of my own bedroom!  (And boy, if you think I don't sleep now, you have NO idea how bad it gets when I have constant access to Wikipedia, PhysOrg, Netflix, and OCW sites.)
  5. Hot showers.  (I probably smell awful by now.)
  6. Not freaking out any time I drink a beverage containing powdered milk.  (Freaking melamine.)
  7. Being about 70% sure that if I'm in a coffeehouse at night, a college-age couple won't be horizontally groping each other in the booth next to me.  (Jesus, guys!  For heaven's sake, get a room!)
  8. Christmas!  Beer Bike!  All the important holidays!
  9. Not being approached on the street, asked for friendship, and then coerced into an impromptu English language instruction session.
  10. Oh, and speaking of that?  I get paid in the US.
... Don't even get me started on the coffee quality vs. price.

As for the less-bitchy and more-practical reasons:
  1. Once I enroll elsewhere, my mother will be able to declare me as a dependent on her taxes. 
  2. Also?  Loan payments won't come rolling in.
  3. Math and science!  Math and science, in a classroom setting!  I miss you so much!
  4. It'll be infinitely easier to apply for REUs from the States.
  5. Taking the GRE also would have been nigh-impossible in Beijing, not to mention expensive;  and I didn't even see testing dates for the subject tests.
Apparently several other students involved in the Chinese Scholarship Council's program have been experiencing the same problems:  lack of communication from our sponsors, lack of resources, frustrating classroom environment, hassles with loans and taxes back home.  I'm not the only one coming back early :-\  And, what's more, apparently this is the first year that the CSC did not reimburse the price of their students' plane tickets to and from China.  Don't get me wrong - I've learned a lot, and this has been a heck of an experience - not to mention infinitely cheaper than traveling abroad would have been, without the program.  The housing situation isn't pristine, and I've incurred many unforeseen expenses, but at least I have a room, right?  And I'm in China! 

Touching on that - I'll miss being completely immersed in a new environment.  I'll miss the people I've met, and I'll miss the food (even though it has a habit of making me sick).  I'll miss how every day feels like a sitcom.  I'll miss being able to see LING 201 in action ("Onety-five"!  "Mouses"!  That's allomorphy, right?), and I definitely will miss the kids.  They really are exceptionally bright, guys;  and incredibly hard-working.

But other than that?  Nope.  I'm ready to come back home.  Heck, I'd leave tomorrow! - I just need to find a duffle bag long enough to hold the bass and the longboard before I do.  There's no way I'm leaving them behind, and I don't trust my Chinese well enough to sweet talk the flight attendants into letting me bring them as carry-ons.

See you soon :)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Two-headed boy, she is all you could need ... but don't hate her when she gets up to leave.

Beautiful people!  This one might be a little bit long, and I'm a bit hyped up on caffeine
  • 3 Diet Cokes and 2 Pepsi Maxxes in the past four hours!
  • Girl Talk's "All Day" is blasting in my headphones!
  • I'm a powerhouse!  A powerhouse, I tell you!
... but there's much to tell.  Bear with me :)


FOODSTUFF
  • So, did you know that Coca-Cola changed its name when their company began production in China?  The first pronunciation was apparently something to the effect of "KeKou KeLe", which translates to... "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on dialect. When the guys in administration realized that this could potentially affect their success rate with Chinese consumers, they switched to "KoKou KoLe", which means "happiness in the mouth".
  • Upon entering any traditional Chinese restaurant, obvious Laowais are ushered to a seat and handed a nice, hardcover menu with pictures and prices.  A Fuwuyuan usually stands patiently nearby until they make their decision on what they'd like to eat.  Smiles all around.
    • TRICKERY.  ALL OF THIS IS LIES AND TRICKS.  
    • Why, you may ask?  Because there are SECRET menus, menus without pictures, but with the same dishes listed, and for much lower prices, given to the Chinese-looking people.
    • Why did it take me so long to figure this out?  And it's not just a conspiracy theory, I promise - I asked for one of the non-Laowai menus a few days ago, and, lo and behold, there was my beloved beef-and-egg-layered-rice dish staring at me for a mere 14 yuan.  
    • Oh, God, beef-and-egg-layered-rice-dish.  You are so, so good.
  • The deliciousness of ramen is entirely dependent on the number of flavored seasoning packets used in preparation.  I'd doubted the veracity of this statement until experiencing it in real life.
    • One night, while heading back home to the apartment, I stopped in a 24-hour convenience store to buy Necessities (ramen, milk, koala-bear-pudding-things, something-in-a-package-that-looks-weird-and-tastes-awful-but-I-have-to-try-it-because-OHMYGOD-shrink-wrapped-chicken-feet, etc.).  
    • While I walked around and made excited noises, an older gentleman (who both looked and acted as if he had been hitting the pijiu a little bit too hard) took it upon himself to give me grocery advice - and I am *so happy* that he did.  
    • The ramen TipsyDude recommended (shrimp-flavored) was so much more delicious than the super-hot stuff that I'd gotten before!  And, in his defense, it was a Friday night, so going on a bender was perfectly acceptable.  
      • The fact that he was buying spray on black hair dye was, um.  Not, not so much.
  • Given up on saying no to the melamine-tainted instant milk tea.  Addiction.  It's not a lovely thing.

LIFE

  • I stepped out of my apartment last week, and got really excited!  Why?  Because there was a fire truck parked outside!  A real, Chinese fire truck!
    • Or... I mean, what I assumed was a fire truck.  It was big, and it was blue (the color of water!) and there was a hose attached to it, which was unrolled and lying on the ground.
  •  Then I noticed that there wasn't any smoke nearby, and that the people tending the truck looked a little... dirty.
    • To put it mildly.
  • The hose also wasn't in the process of being rolled up and placed back on the truck;  it was making weird noises and leading straight into a manhole.  There was also a mass of foul-smelling black and green material placed in a pile by a trash-bike nearby.
  • Ladies and gentlemen, this was a personal introduction to Chinese sewage trucks:  large, exhaust-spewing vehicles that work hard to transport your shit to places unknown.  Like the Millenium Falcon!  Except, instead of Jedi and droids, there are used condoms and feces.  And instead of Han Solo, there's a toothless old man carrying a thermos of beef tea.
    • Christ, I really hope that was beef tea.

OTHER THINGS

I've been reading Five Minds for the Future by Howard Gardner, a Harvard-educated developmental psychologist specializing in education (who writes like he would rather die than step outside of his house without a Thesaurus).  You can thank this guy for anything you remember about PSYC 101's "multiple intelligences".

Gardner classifies intelligence into five "minds", and postulates that the "creative" mind and the "synthesizing" mind will be the future's greatest commodities.  The book is very interesting;  I'm probably biased, though, since some of the author's comments about Creative Thinkers mention dropping out of school, rebelling against authority, forging non-traditional paths, dicking around on the internet, and doing whatever they dang well please.  Score!  I do most of that already, and apparently it's valuable?  Fucking win!

[More about this book will be mentioned on OtherBlog when I finish reading it.]

The guy also knows his history of science, and is fond of using shoddy experiments as examples of "false creativity".  We're never going to live down phlogiston theory or cold fusion, are we?  Lord, I hope not.  "Phlogisticated" is too much fun to say.

Oh!  And just so we're all on the same page, it looks like I'll be coming home at the end of January, after this first semester is over.  China's been an adventure, but... I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, guys :-\ 

Since the semester at CUGB ends long after the spring semester at Rice begins, I won't be back in Houston until fall 2011 (already asked the registration people and the dean).  That's cool, though;  it means I have more time to prep for the GREs and do the tail-end of applying for REUs instead of dying of boredom in my hometown.

YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT.  
IF I RETURN EARLY FROM CHINA, 
I'M GOING HOME TO HILL COUNTY.

Mr. Pinner, if you still read this, I expect a jam with you on my guitar on the front porch of Coldwell Banker.  I know, I know, you've got an acoustic and prefer country tunes, but we can make it work.  And all you other people who I haven't seen in God-knows-how-long?  Hugs.  So many.  You're getting them.

Also, apparently I can get an Associate's degree in Engineering and Computer Sciences from Hill College if I show up and take like two classes.  So that might be worthwhile?  Heck, at least it'll give me something to do.

At any rate!  Get prepared, y'all will be seeing a Pajj sooner than expected :)


Hearts and stars,
Pajj

Monday, November 29, 2010

As long as I'm alive, I'mma live illegal.

All right, this is serious, socially-aware time.  Grown-up faces, people.

  • Firstly (and least-time-consumingly!) please check out my friend Lisa's art site.  She's really talented, and I love her to pieces... not to mention she's gorgeous.  Lisa would probably kick me in the groin for saying that, but facts be facts, yo.
  • Secondly, have I told you yet that there are 7-11s in China?  The chain is ubiquitous (seriously, everywhere you look), with branches functioning as 24 hour supermarkets/liquor stores.  The one in WuDaoKou is especially popular after midnight, as one can pick up a slightly less expensive handle of Jack Daniel's and a liter of Coca-Cola before heading back into the nightclub next door.  I've gotten addicted to their store-brand Pocky:  "Seven Premium Chocolate Sticks!", which is cheaper, and comes in a ridiculous number of flavors:  including creamy potato-bacon, blueberry creme, and chocolate almond.  Delicious.
  • HandsomeRich was in a BMW commercial.  Lulz.
    • This is actually something that should have happened a long time ago, as HandsomeRich is tall, classy, intelligent, and confident - precisely the sort of person an automobile company would be eager to have pimping its product.  I'm honestly a little confused as to why random Chinese mothers aren't tossing their daughters out into the street as he walks by in the hope that he'll trip over one of them and fall madly in love.  It's that bad.
  • Pajj was cast as an extra in a CCTV melodrama about the Empress Dowager Cixi.  
    • ... This, however, is a "WTF, China?" occurrence.  I may be many things, and may have many aspirations, but "international actress discovered on the street!" is not one of them.  The entire experience was a little sketchy - it involved a LOT of waiting around, which I suspect is typical for filming anything - and *freezing*, as it took place in a model of the Forbidden City out in the Beijing boondocks.  Met some really interesting people though.
    • And no, I don't have any idea how they're going to turn the life of "a devious despot who contributed in no small part to China's slide into corruption, anarchy, and revolution" into a melodrama.  Guess we'll all find out in September?
  • There are a few things that bother me about my textbook/workbook.   
    • Number one:  it's not a textbook.  It's flimsy, printed on newspaper-quality paper, and intended to only last a few months.  I would prefer paying a little more for something with a bit more of a lifespan.  The ability to actually *write* in the text - to be interactive, instead of just straight reading - is a pro, though.  
    • Number two:  English and pinyin are both used, but only peripherally - which makes sense for a book designed to teach elementary school students Chinese - but it is also a bit annoying.  After a character is introduced in pinyin, it is never mentioned in pinyin again.  Hanzi is of primary importance.  
      • (I know that's a dead horse, and I can't change the way I'm being taught, but CHRIST!  Someone is actually paying for this - paying an amount comparable to the scholarship given to Peking U and Tsinghua undergraduate students - and the education I'm getting is far inferior.  Not cool, CUGB.  Not cool.)
    • Number three:  the dialogues are both stereotypical and misogynistic.  I can say this with confidence, now that I've worked through all the lessons.  
      • Example:  one exchange, between a girl named Lisa and a French boy named Jeff, centers around Lisa's desire to stay in her dorm instead of going to class one morning because she wants to meet up with her boyfriend.  Jeff, upon discovering this, ridicules her decision to have a boyfriend and suggests that she give him a "present" when he comes.  Giggity?
        • There's also the matter of everyone pairing off into couples in the dialogues (no, seriously) and the women always being the ones to make dumplings/serve tea.  
      • One character, Wang Ping (the only Chinese person) tells the American, Peter, that he intends to study in the United States for graduate school.  Peter's response is that Wang Ping should stay with his family for the extent of his time in graduate school, without paying money, and that it would be no trouble whatsoever.  Wang Ping's response is a simple thank you, with the implication that Peter's invitation is completely normal, and actually expected - even though Wang Ping has never allowed Peter to stay in his home in China.  
        • .Um... what?
      • In another dialogue, Jeff's bike is stolen.  Wang Ping's responses are as follows:  "Oh, you must not be looking in the right place.";  "Oh, you must not have tied it up correctly.";  "Oh, well, then, just get a new one."  This is apparently standard for a Chinese mindset?  Are there *ever* police reports for missing items, or is there just no hope of retrieving them?  Or would it just be too hard to put that into a dialogue?  They'd already introduced the word for police, and police station.
      • The other workbook is even funnier, most of the time.  There was a section towards the end on differentiating between "Chinese medicine" and "Chinese drugs" - i.e., medicinal herbs vs. marijuana.  The main character was in an airport, getting searched by the police (both westerners) who had angry expressions on their faces and were emphatically stating "NOT Chinese medicine!" while the student was trying to explain that he just wanted something to cure his headache.
        • Fact:  ... uh.  It isn't that hard, folks.
        • I also just realized that I stopped numbering off my complaints with the text due to frustration.  That's probably an even bigger indication of how much I *hate* it, right?
  • Finally, and most seriously:  the alcohol situation.  
Taken straight out of a TimeOut Beijing pamphlet:
Buying DVDs for a fraction of the cost in the West is one thing, but nobody wants to knock back fake alcohol, especially if it's potentially dangerous.  Not all alcohol sold in Beijing's bars is genuine.  'Most people drink mixed spirits, so they can't really taste the difference,' explains Jade Gray, owner of the nightclub Lush.  After a batch of fake alcohol once slipped into Gray's delivery, he decided to do a taste test 'and sure enough, four out of the five drinks weren't right'.  Gray now [performs] random taste tests for each delivery and requests a stamp from the warehouse for each bottle.  But, according to Robin Howlett, owner of Souk, some bars don't seem to mind selling less-than-authentic booze.  'You can't make mney out of 50RMB all you can drink nights using brand spirits.  What some bars are doing is buying cheap 9RMB vodka and rebottling it in brand-name bottles,' he says.

Earlier this year, in just one raid, Tianjin police discovered 2,600 kilograms of raw materials used in fake alcohol and nearly 200,000 fake labels of twelve companies, including Hennessey and Chivas.  Ray Moroney, from IPR company Rouse and Co., says 'one of the problems companies have is what they call "refill", where pedlars take a genuine bottle, put fake alcohol inside, and then reseal it'.

But the complexities of the distillation process means fake spirits carry a potential health risk.  'When you distil alcohol, you have to take off the top and bottom ends to remove the bad alcohol.  Someone who is faking it isn't going to worry about that,' says Duncan Loynes, the general manager for Foster's beer (China).  'The dangerous alcohols can kill you.  They can make you blind.  It is entirely possible that they can be safe, but it's impossible to tell, as they are not regulated at all.'

Without any kind of regulation, the health risks are obvious.  'Some manufacturers are making alcoholic drinks illegally using methanol - a cheaper and easier to produce alcohol than ethanol.  Methanol is not meant for human consumption, but for industrial and hospital use.  If it is ingested, methanol can cause problems,' explains Dr. Nizar Ahmed of the International Medical Center in Beijing.  'A very small quantity of methanol can pass through the body, but if you drink a significant amount, then it will kill you.  It takes about 72 hours for methanol to pass through the body, so there can be an accumulative effect.  Drinking [alcohol tainted with methanol] all weekend could cause serious damage,' he warns.  'If one is suspicious that they have imbibed any methanol-based substance, they should have their stomach pumped within a couple of hours.  Alternatively, if you are suspicious that you have drunk a small amount of fake alcohol, you should eat a lot of food such as meat, fish, bread, and milk.  Thsi will help absorb the alcohol,' advises Dr. Ahmed.

But to Gray, the difference between pirated CDs and a bottle of fake spirits is huge.  'You're putting this into your body.  Alcohol tainted with methanol isn't just illegal music;  this is poison.'  

I met Jade a while ago;  he's one of the owners of Lush, and co-founder of GungHo Ventures (all of which are big names in the Beijing area).   This was one of the subjects he touched on over lunch, regarding business practices, but I guess I never really grasped the magnanimity of the issue.  Tainted alcohol is the reason why I've been wary about hitting the club scene (Propaganda, Solutions, etc.), and don't mind sticking with internationally-owned bars, even though the beverages are much more expensive. 

... There's also the whole "Getting slapped on the ass and being crowded by a mob of pulsating, moshing people is uber-sketch" mindset, but whatever.  That's clubbing, in general.   



  • Scary Bosses (n.):  see "Video games"
    Jade's on the left



     Given the level of drinking for most of the study abroad students here, it would be easy to imagine some of them having severe health problems later on, due to the volume of alcohol they imbibe.  Every night, I see the same faces stumbling along the streets by the seediest bars in WuDaoKou;  has anyone let them know about the "evil spirits"?  Probably not :-\  Or if they have, the schoolkids just don't want to shell out a few more yuan for safety's sake.  


    Oh, China.  I luffs you, but you is all sorts of messed up sometimes :(


    <3s,
    Pajj

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dido's "Thank You" is too adoring; Alanis's "Thank You" is too sarcastic. Sufjan's got it right. Words are futile devices.



The 2010 ChinaThankStravaganza was spent knee-deep in KFC mashed potatoes, egg products, cheap Chinese wine, and personal reflection/introspection - not to mention copious amounts of internet humor and Dylan Moran standup.  If anyone would like a pirated Czech copy of "Monster", just let me know :)  

Because of that marathon of self-analysis, I think I've whittled down and classified the "YAY THANK YOU" list to a manageable blog entry.  So here we go!:

PAJJ BAILEY'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS


See, isn't that lovely?  

Some of the more psychologically-well-versed individuals who are in the habit of reading this blog might notice that it bears a striking resemblance to the needs of a Mr. Maslow:


... He, of course, lived before the internet.  Poor soul.



At any rate, the things I'm giving thanks for follow his structure fairly closely.  


  • UTILITIES:  I am thankful for plumbing that actually works when it is supposed to, and U-bends installed in toilets so that stench isn't normally a problem.  I am thankful for hot showers;  the relatively constant availability of electricity and water transferred directly to your home;  and real kitchen ovens.  The sorts of ovens that make bread - not the terrifying-looking hot plates/Bunsen burners masquerading as "stoves" that populate homes around here.
    • Oh, and mattresses!  I'm thankful for real mattresses.
  • REGULATIONS AND SAFETY:   I am thankful that normally, upon purchasing a package of instant coffee, I can be assured that the powdered milk doesn't contain melamine.  Standards and regulations for food products are also a pretty nice thing;  and being secure in the knowledge that whatever I ingest has undergone at least *minimal* quality control testing is worth being thankful for.  
    • On the subject of regulations:  driver's licenses!  And knowing that at least someone had to pass some sort of test before getting behind the wheel of a machine that could raze me from the face of the Earth.  Traffic lights and adherence to traffic laws are also good.  Getting run over isn't on the Pajj AccomplishMents and Fun List of Exciting Things (PAMFLET, for short).
  • FLOW OF INFORMATION
    • Lack of regulation for THE INTERNETZ (even though that might cease to be the case in the very near future).  I am thankful for email being a widely-used resource, in the United States, and upset that administration at my university refuses to use it as a contact method.
    • BOOKS:  I am thankful, in the US, for libraries filled with books on any subject I could ever imagine.  I am thankful, currently, for the book peddlers who sell pirated copies of English and Japanese novels - most of which, I've recently discovered, are banned in China.  
    • I'm thankful, SO thankful for hardcover textbooks in libraries and for classes in the United States;  the textbooks that we use for classes here are workbooks, printed on newspaper-quality paper. It would be reasonable if that were the case for language-learning materials;  more of an interactive approach to the data;  but the textbooks are like this for EVERY subject, from chemistry to electrical engineering to sociology. 
  • EDUCATION
    • I am thankful for the ability to question - anything and everything.  Also thankful for having been exposed to classes with professors who are devoted to conveying their material in the most engaging and informative manner possible - and being able to recognize a professor who just doesn't care.   Professors who are willing to bend over backwards to help their students;  to comfort them if they're going through a difficult period;  or to encourage them and write recommendation letters if they're ready to take the next step in their career. 
    • I am thankful for the Scientific Method, and dedicated adherence to it.  
    • Also incredibly, incredibly thankful for intellectual property rights and regulation.
  • RELIGION
    • ... or not.  In my case, mostly the not.  But I'm thankful to have the choice.
  • PEOPLE
    • I'm thankful that I was able to meet my dad earlier this year, even though it didn't turn out as well as I had hoped.
    • FRIENDS = Both the old ones, and the new ones.  You guys are inspirational, and hearing about your adventures makes me want to live my own :)  Don't think I would have been able to get through this past 12 months if it weren't for the people in my life, and I'm sorry if I haven't made that more clear to you.  The next time I see any of you, be prepared to receive the biggest hug in the history of ever.
  • ... Have I mentioned coffee, yet?  Because dude, I am SO thankful for coffee.
    • As a matter of fact, I'm going to go actively demonstrate my love for coffee right now.  Coffee+milk.  Hierarchy of needs, etc.  I can't be creative without it.


<3s and stars, and don't stop believin',
Pajj

Monday, November 22, 2010

I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

So, updates:  Paige is failing at life! 
... Well, I mean, sort of. 

[Metaphorical kicks in nonexistent balls are indicated by bracketed numbers.]

Over the past week, electricity and water has been cutting itself off in the foreign students' apartments for hours at a time.  This is annoying (for obvious reasons), but it also means that my alarm clock reset itself during the night, and I wasn't able to wake up to teach my class on Saturday morning.  The administration at the high school was very unhappy about this;  I don't blame them;  and it was completely my fault.  [1]  Most likely I'll be threatened with discharge, perhaps even "fired", but since I don't really have this as part of my job record... not to mention, I'm not getting paid... it won't really count. 

Tumba (my roommate, who is from Africa and speaks basically no English) hates me, for some reason.  For the life of me, I can't figure out what I've done that's so insulting - or if it's just a general ill-feeling toward the American girl who doesn't go to class.  [2]  I have tried apologizing, via text message, notes, orally - for whatever I've done, but she doesn't seem to understand, and responds with even more scathing notes.  It's gotten to the point where I am literally terrified to come out of my bedroom, because she just stares at me with her arms crossed until I either leave the apartment, or go back into my room.  [3]

... Actually writing about it just makes it sound hilarious.  Maybe I should make a webcomic.  The other students (the two Russian girls, Mongolians, other Africans) react basically the same way.  Is knowing English like having some sort of curse word tattooed on my forehead?  Sometimes it feels that way :(

I've been reading a lot - science articles, textbooks, novels, websites, anything I can get my hands on.  *That* is a good thing, and feels similar to high school in many ways.  Theatre and academic contests were my outlet then;  otherwise, isolation was the norm.  The only problem is that Rice has spoiled me into having people to discuss ideas with - if I keep thoughts to myself, it feels... wrong, somehow.  I can write them down, I can post them on Facebook, I can try to find forums online, but that isn't broadening horizons at all.  [4]

I haven't been outside of Beijing [5], and most likely couldn't afford to go very far.  I am CHINA, for godsake!  But even though many of the things I've been reading are related to Chinese history, language, and culture, that aspect of my education while here feels ridiculously inadequate.  Most of the time, it feels like my blond hair labels me as a giant, walking pocketbook to the Chinese (that's probably paranoia speaking?  I hope?  but when I'm quoted ridiculous prices for things and fuwuyuans "forget" to bring change for purchases, or bring the wrong amounts...) [6]

Xenophobia is obvious, and understandable.  If you have so many people in your country that you have to fight for resources amongst *yourselves*, why the heck would you welcome *outsiders*, unless they were bringing additional resources for you to capitalize on?  Like the automotive companies, and other businesses that set up production in China:  Chinese people were cool with it in the beginning, because they were learning how to do the processes by themselves.  After they learned the techniques, why should they welcome foreign businesses?

Haven't been going to class;  again, my fault.  [7]  Have been studying the workbooks, but apparently was studying the wrong things, since Hanzi is the most valuable tool to my teachers (who cannot speak English).  Really, really starting to hate language barriers.  [8]  "What we have here is a failure to communicate";  probably, 90% of my problems could be solved if I was able to explain myself and understand others perfectly.

I feel so grimy, all the time - unattractive, disgusting, etc. etc.  [9]  That isn't baiting for compliments, it's an honest complaint.  When bathrooms are cleaned in this country, one mop is used;  thus, the doors, the toilets, inside the toilets, the walls, the floors?  They all end up with the same germs, and the same smell.  Showers are in the same vicinity as the toilet.  Finally realize the importance of "shower shoes".  Any time my skin touches a surface, I get this mental image of whatever I'm touching as a gigantic mound of dinosaur feces - remember that scene in Jurassic Park?  And Jurassic Park III, too, as a matter of fact. 

The best parts of the week are Friday and Sunday, because those are the live music nights in Wudaokou.  The international people I've met at Lush are lovely - interesting, sympathetic, kind.  Without them, I'd probably have given up and come home long ago (or gotten severely lonely and just locked myself in my room 24/7).  Having that support structure in place is fantastic, but does it detract from my experience in China?  If the majority of my experiences in dealing with the Chinese government and the people are negative, what sort of an impression will that leave me with?  I don't want to come out of this with a mindset embracing stereotypes :-\

Haven't applied for any REUs yet [10], and need to figure out who to ask for letters of recommendation.  Sending transcripts from Rice is going to be expensive, and I don't really have an income.  Money issues are going to be difficult.  If I receive the scholarship to study in China again next year, I might be able to arrange for funding from July 2011 to July 2012, and could change my plane ticket's departure date from July 1, 2011 to July 1, 2012.  That would mean that I could start studying at Tsinghua immediately - but I really should be using this coming summer as a way to make money for taking the GREs, living expenses while in China, not to mention a plane ticket BACK to China, if I do study here another year.

All of those things make it sound like my time here must be unbearable - but I promise, it's not!  I'm learning a lot, about many different things;  and I'm loving the people I meet.  Mostly, life is terrifically fun :)  Definitely different.  There are just a lot of little irks to deal with. 

At any rate, love you all, and miss you bunches.  I'll try to post more pictures very soon.


<3,
Pajj

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Metaphysical microscopic topic dropper

Sorry this entry has been delayed, but I wanted to see how the first exam in Chinese would turn out before making any sort of rash generalization about SinoUniversity Education.  Now, for a sweeping generalization based on one occurrence in an atypical setting (so much better, right?):

I dislikes this.  I dislikes it, muchly.

The exam (which literally was just completed) dealt entirely with Hanzi (Chinese characters).  Conversational skills, word order, aural comprehension - none of those aspects of language made an appearance, which means, unfortunately, I probably failed.  Another problem:  when the professor spoke, I could understand everything she said;  and, if given the pinyin for the Hanzi listed on the exam itself, I probably would have been able to make a good showing. 

... But you know what? 

I'm more proud of myself for understanding random people on the street, bus announcers, and various snippets from films than anything else.  There are iPhone apps for character recognition, but not voice-recognition/auto-translation.  Douglas Adams might have been able to envision a Babel fish, and Gene Roddenberry could arrange translation devices for Star Fleet, but the rest of us are going to have to wait till Steve Jobs pops out another brainchild.

Happier notes!
  • The lesson for the high school kids last week went very well, in unexpected ways.  I brought the music videos for K-Os's "Love Song" and MGMT's "Kids", along with a short presentation on freaky animals (which turned into an explanation of "noodling", for God knows whatever reason) and a discussion about YouTube and why or why not it's a good resource. 
    • The music videos bombed, hardcore.  Was utterly lost as to why (K-Os is so good!  They loved "Clint Eastwood" last week!  And Jon Salmon's video for MGMT is so hipster!), so I asked a few kids after class.  
    • "Hipster" apparently equals weird;  painted faces, electronica, and people-who-aren't-blonde don't go over too well.  That was the deal behind K-Os, too;  he's African American, as were all of the actors in the film, and the imagery was Chinese (a Shaolin temple, populated with kids who were learning the art of music). 
    • "Clint Eastwood", on the other hand, was vaguely anime (which is popular here, even though it's Japanese), and the main singer was automatically assumed to be white.
      • I wonder how they'd feel about Tool?  
    •  ... Kids also thought noodling was "DUDE SWEET", which I need to remedy.  I also need to record them saying this, as THEY HAVE LEARNED IT FROM ME!  Starting a new slang trend centered around "sweet action", "dude sweet", "righteous", "groady", and "hard core" would make me so happy.
  • Met a really cool guy at Lush's music night on Friday.  We talked a little bit on Sunday during OpenMic about the Second Sino-Japanese war, back in the early/mid 20th century.  Never really heard much about the Japanese occupation of Manchuria or China in high school, but did some internet research later that night and will most likely be having nightmares for the rest of the year :(
    • It's awful, guys - puts the Holocaust into perspective, in addition to all those other things that Eddie Izzard mentions in "Dressed to Kill" about Pol Pot and the virtual genocide of Native Americans by European conquerors.  History's written by the winners;  I just never assumed that the winners were more interested in documenting their own failures and atrocities while ignoring the plights of others.
    • Am considering doing a class based on this for Saturday - sort of a brief depiction of war crimes throughout history, from different countries, and a discussion afterward about WHY they happened - but need to have an alternative ready in case some kids aren't up to it.  
    • If there's anything that begs to be accomplished in this high school teaching program, it's encouraging the "WHY".  At the beginning of each lesson's discussion period, I write "WHY" really big on the board, and underline it any time someone responds to a question with "That's just how it is" or "Because that's how we are told".  I want to know their thoughts on historical events - the answer wrongs are committed is never "because they're monsters" or "because they're mean"; if I learned anything from Psychology courses, it's that.  There's no black and white.  
    • Scientific Method, right?  There's always a reason, a deeper root to the problem, and at least a partial explanation. You just have to have evidence supporting your conclusion.
    • Anyhow, I'll stop rambling about that.
  • ... And start rambling about something else!  Namely math and science.  I miss it, so much.
    • Read my Facebook for updates, and if you have any sites to recommend with free textbooks, please let me know.  
    • <3
  • Guess who got to crash the iWeekend conference at the ChinaGoogle building?
    • ME 
    • THAT'S RIGHT
    • A PAJJ WAS IN THE GOOGLE BUILDING
    • BECAUSE PAJJES ARE AMAZING
    • ...
    • Well, I mean, actually it was because Rich (from Pyro Pizza) needed someone to be cute and dress up in pigtails and bright red coveralls while passing out pizza to the technies.  But I got free food, met some amazing people -
      • The concept of iWeekend is to brainstorm ideas for a start-up company, present those ideas concisely and effectively to a large group, and then have that group vote on which start-up sounds most viable.  It's then [hopefully] successfully implemented, and to the victors go the spoils.  Epic!  It's like a Will Wright Sims game, but in real life!
    • - and am now contemplating crashing the conference again.  I'd need a heck of a disguise, though;  security's tight, name tags are required at all times, and there are some pretty terrifying-looking bouncers at the front gates.  It'd be worth it, though.  They have Fooz-ball tables all over the place, and free vending machines, and the really impressive technology, especially for China.  I bet their internet connection is fantastic :)

So!  That's enough of that.  Back to procrastinating by reading physics articles.

<3s and stars,
Pajj

Thursday, November 11, 2010

If I lived in China, I'd have some Chinese children

What follows is a rough chronicle of my love affair with China, 
partially in order to repudiate the claim that coming here was a complete whim.  
(Mother:  Yes, I am talking to you.)


1989 = I AM BORN.  (This has nothing to do with China.)

1995 = See Hook for the first time, and almost immediately develop a crush on Rufio (the mohawked, skateboarding Asian leader of the Lost Boys).  Doesn't help that The Goonies and the Indiana Jones movies also feature Asian sidekicks.  Data and ShortRound are pretty attractive to an impressionable young nerd.

1997 = Read Laurence Yep's Dragon of the Lost Sea three times in a row, then saw a special on PBS about Chinese women binding their feet.  The former was fantastic (still recommend that book);  the latter was horrifying, and resulted in nightmares for the next two years.

1998 = Mulan!  (who is, without a doubt, one of my favorite Disney heroines) 

1999 = Start collecting Nancy Drew books, and add The Mystery of the Fire Dragon.  This particular book contains a lot of random information about Chinese pottery and pearls, which results in my being an ass during my mothers forays into antique/junk shops.  ("This is obviously a fake!  Dragons weren't allowed to have five toes on pottery, except for... etc.)  Add to this my ire at Harry Potter finally developing a crush on a girl and it NOT BEING HERMIONE.  Damn you, Cho Chang.

2000 = Shanghai Noon and Rush Hour.  Watch them both so many times that my mother starts fretting about an obsession with Jackie Chan. 

2001 = TCM phase:  the (horribly stereotypical but oh-so-good) Charlie Chan and Bruce Lee movies, in addition to the musical Flower Drum Song.  Also, "Sagwa the Siamese Chinese Cat" on PBS (shut up).

2003 =  Read The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck for class, and Amy Tan's books, most obviously The Joy Luck Club and The Kitchen God's Wife for fun.  Get introduced to The Last Emperor by one of the most awesome people in the world (RIP Jarrett) and fall in love with the soundtrack (arranged by Philip Glass). Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon appears on the Starz! channels, and I watch this obsessively (in addition to the film adaptation of Tan's JLC).

- Brief hiatus upon discovery of Jim Morrison, The Grateful Dead, and hippie culture -

2006 = YouTube (one of the founders is Chinese, the Back Dorm Boys, and KevJumba)

2007 =  Start realizing that many of my favorite bands have Chinese musicians (but no Asian frontmen, which sucks balls).  Chi Cheng (Deftones bassist), Kevin Tong (Bloc Party drummer), etc.  Additionally, one of my favorite professors at Rice (Nico Orlandi) uses the Chinese room concept as one of our final exam's essay questions (PHIL 103:  Philosophy of Cognitive Science).

2008 =  Everyone's learning Chinese!  And Joss Whedon says that we're going to unite with China in the not-too-distant future!  ("Firefly") 

2009 =  "Hey, Paige!  There's this scholarship thing to go to China!"  Oh, and Harry Shum, Jr.

2010 = Getting run over by bicycles, motorbikes, buses, cars, and people every time I step onto a road.  Being introduced to some of the most interesting (and some of the most exasperating) people in the world.  Getting sick daily.  Waiting ages for bureaucracy to untangle itself.  Being housed in substandard living conditions.  Teaching incredibly bright children.  Marveling at billboards depicting FEMALE astronauts.  Encountering a language that is balls hard to understand, and completely counter-intuitive to a native English speaker.  Learning humility.  Attempting moderation.  Loving every minute of it.  Never wanting to leave :)


<3s and stars,
Pajj

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Heal the scars from off my back / I don't need them anymore

Things I miss:

Home.

I miss theatre practice.  Lake Whitney.  The "Sara Pinner Day!" sign.  Snagging hugs in the hallways before class.  Searching for the nudist colony that you KNOW exists, but can never find.  Emu farms.  I miss hearing about the crazy shit that people do on the weekend from twenty different sources before lunchtime.  I even miss Frau Radde (that means it's serious). 

There may have been homesickness and nostalgia before, but it's never, never been this bad.

I'm so tired, guys. 

Compounded with the memories of high school are the memories of college -  nights with Team Blonde, staying up late writing papers in Fondren, dodging the residue from Baker 13, eagerly anticipating the next college night.  Walking around the Heights or Montrose.  Finding a bookstore/coffee shop, and hanging out for hours.  Holy God, free refills on coffee.  I miss free refills so much.

I miss life being similar to "King of the Hill".  WTF is wrong with me?

Don't get me wrong;  Beijing is great.  I've met some awesome people, and there have been good times.  If I was a little more receptive to the good times, there would probably be Very Good Times.  Speaking of which, where the hell is the Comp-Sci-version-of-Tyler-Durden?  I haven't seen him or his lovely longboard in ages.

ARGH, fuck this.  Enough feeling sorry for myself.  This isn't even about China.

Sino-updates:

I went to go see a concert on Friday, primarily because the headlining band was getting decent reviews on The Beijinger (Dead Farmers, from Australia).  The two bands prior completely blew the DF out of the water, though!  Residence A and the Bedstars.  Started talking to two girls nearby, Sophia and Amy, and got introduced to the first band (Bedstars).  That was interesting.  There was also a dude from Madonna's record label in the audience, which was a... different experience (one of the people in his entourage, a Chinese dude named Lucifer who was clad in an incredibly ostentatious jacket, was one of the only people I've met who could genuinely qualify as a "Character"). 

The Bedstars are... wow.  If you want details, ask.

Saturday was my class at CNU high school, which went exceptionally well.  My lesson was on "strange international laws", and at the end of class I played the music video for Gorillaz's "Clint Eastwood", then introduced some of the vocabulary after they were tricked into liking it.  Next week, I think I'm going to do Urban Legends and K-Os's "Love Song".  Epic :)

Tonight is the Sunday Open Mic night at Lush, which should prove to be interesting.  Nobody let me do anything stupid, k?

<3  Paige

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Please speak softly, for they will hear us / And they'll find out why we don't trust them

China is one huge conspiracy set up in order to thwart Pajjes.  Shit you not.  There is PROOF.

  1. Decorative doors and appliances.  President-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named had problems with doors a while back, and I'm beginning to think that maybe this particular gaffe wasn't so much a symptom of his incompetence as an everyday occurrence in China.  Doors in this country?  Yeah.  THEY DON'T WORK.  There are entryways, placed in buildings, specifically for decorative purposes.  A building for classes that has 3,000 people coming in and out of it each hour?  Ten doors seems pretty reasonable, right?  ONLY ONE OPENS.  A refrigerator, placed in my apartment?  Or a heating unit?  Well, yes, that's a first-world accommodation!  Good job, China!  EXCEPT THEY DON'T WORK.
  2. Chocolate.  There must be real chocolate in this country, I just haven't figured out where the supermarkets have hidden it yet.  Probably stashed under a side of lamb somewhere, and you have to read the special Chinese map handed out by the supermarket guards at the front to find it.  
  3. "Mei you!" 沒有 You walk into a restaurant, specializing in zhou.  You order pork and preserved egg zhou.  There's none to be had.  So you try to order rice ç±³.  And they don't have that, either.  Apparently the only things available are the most expensive items on the menu, and that's not kosher.  Looks like you're walking to the other zhou place, across the railroad tracks - because, yes.  The only thing more ubiquitous around here than hair salons are porridge huts.  Good thing they're open 24 hours.  Do not pass Go.  Do not collect 200 yuan.
  4. No one understands Chinese.  It's just a brilliant plot orchestrated by the government and practiced by the entire population in order to perplex outsiders.  All you need to do in order to get in on the ruse is speak emphatically while using a handful of syllables, and occasionally spit off to the side.  Win.  Oh, and the characters?  Some of the more important ones, like numbers and food items might be real, but the complicated ones?  Don't bother learning.  Firstly, you'll just forget;  and secondly, they don't exist.  Learn to mime.  Totally more effective.
  5. No one actually has office hours.  Perpetual lunch breaks!  (The most common - in fact, ONLY - times to find people actually behind a desk, though, are 9:00 - 11:00am and 2:00 - 4:00pm.)
  6. Stephenie Meyer's target audience was actually teenage Chinese girls.  Giving up everything for a boy, being perfectly chaste until marriage, acting like a child throughout the entirety of the relationship, and dying in the end?  Yeah.  Think about it. 
  7. Pajjes are quarantined from the Cool.  There are some awesome, hellacious rocker/skaters in Beijing, who play loud rock music, have amazing hair/tattoos, and talk intellectually about <insert subject here>.  They just live far, far away from me, and the buses stop running at 11:00pm.  
  8. Marijuana.  It's handed out to the Chinese populus liberally, like soma in Brave New World, but they're only allowed to use it prior to driving or riding bicycles.   It's especially encouraged to partake if you are expected to encounter a small blonde girl on the road that day.  Who are we to judge? 
 ... And we all know about the internet.

In other news!
  • Halloween party at Yen was rad.  Nice girls don't give details.
  • Pirated Chinese DVDs are giving me the media consumption quota I'm accustomed to.  Reviews to follow.  
  • Holy God, I love zhou.
  • Sign up for Nanowrimo, if you haven't already!  
  • No one's allowed to make fun of me for quoting Paramore.
  • Apparently, when placed in an awkward or potentially dangerous situation, I revert to a Texan accent and Southern belle mode.  Could this be considered a defense mechanism?

Hearts, stars, and I love you lots - especially green-eyed Asian skaters.

<3  Pajj

Monday, October 25, 2010

Don't waste your time, or time will waste you.

Musings

I've been a lazy ass for the past week, on account of being sickly + losing what little projecting power my voice happens to have [people who've been in Theatre/debate/extemp with me can attest to the feeble projection power].  This has given me a lot of time to think - about everything that's happened so far in Beijing, how I feel about it, how I intend to make an impact while I'm here, and what I expect to carry away from the experience for the long term.

*insert hippie wisdom*
"Dude, man, that's heavy.  Gravid with responsibility and obligation.  Gravity's always bringing us down, man, why do have to bring up that shit?  Ew."

... But seriously.

What's happened so far:
You've read about it.  I've Facebooked and Blogspotted the hell out of it. 

How I feel about it:
Weary, a little bit disgusting, sort of stupid/ignorant.  Not quite up to the point where I can take on a Marine bare-handed or in a katana battle to the death, but getting there.

How I intend to make an impact while I'm here:
Aaaaaaaaaand we get to the point of this entry. 

A few nights ago, before I headed to Lush and after I got finished with one of the tutoring sessions for the Little Ones + Medium Ones (4-year-olds and 11-year-olds), I decided to walk down one of the few remaining hutong out by Tsinghua University and the Wudaokou Chaoshifa supermarket. 

Most of the hutong around here are really... Gosh, I don't know how to adequately explain it.  A "hutong" is an old, winding alleyway with houses, shops, and street vendors... but that doesn't explain it, either.  Picture a dirty, conglomeration of EVERYTHING:  foods, goods, people, beds, fires, puppies, livestock, human refuse, garbage, anything you can think of, crammed onto a street.  That's... sort of?... a hutong.  Just know there's a lot of activity, it usually smells kind of nasty, and there are many things to see, all at once.

One of the things I saw that night was a kid (about five years old) accompanied by his pet Chow Chow, poking in a mud puddle and wearing a tattered Stanford sweatshirt. 

*BAM* Punch in the stomach.

An ancient-looking woman was about ten feet away, watching the little boy out of the corner of her eye to ensure that he wouldn't do anything potentially dangerous or disgusting;  at first, I thought she might have been his grandmother, because of the whole toothless-and-wrinkled thing, but nope.  Mother.  Street vendor.  Selling meat dumplings for 0.7 yuan each.  Probably ends up making around 10 yuan profit for the entire night, if she's lucky. 

Behind the meat dumpling stand was a dark little room, a few blankets on the floor;  I assume that's where she, the kid's father, and the little boy sleep at night.  No bathroom, looked like no electricty.  Public toilet nearby - horrible stench.

What was I thinking? 

I want that child to have the opportunity to go to Stanford, instead of just wearing the sweatshirt with the English word.  He, his family - they probably don't even know what "Stanford" means.  But I want that child to be able to go to university, in China or in the United States - wherever he wants.  If he DOESN'T want to go to university, that's fine, but I want him to have the option.  I want him to be able to walk into a library, have internet access, be able to find out what's happening in the world, in a language he can understand, and make enlightened decisions based on the knowledge he gleans. 


... bah.


DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

I'm not an idealist, normally, I don't have stupid pipe dreams about leaping class statuses / hopping rungs on the social ladder, especially not a in single generation.  But I *do* have certain expectations about education, and believe that it should be both equal and universal.

... Dammit.

Okay, so that was a stupid thing to write, and you're shaking your head and laughing and saying "Oh, that Paige.  Let's click 'like' on her Facebook status and tell her that she's worrying her pretty little head about things she can't change." or something.  Please don't. 

The fact of the matter is:  The kids I'm teaching right now come from wealthy families, and will almost defnitely have a decent job when they graduate.  They will all, most likely, go to university.  They have good names, and good social connections;  they will know the ins and outs of Chinese society and politics, and they will succeed.  They will bear more children, similar to themselves, who will also have English tutors/teachers, and who will continue with the same sort of tradition.  They will have cars.  They will have nice business offices.  Wear suits.  Whatevs.  Their parents will be proud, taken care of as they age, and die content in the knowledge that their kids are mostly good people.  Most likely, their biggest concern will be some sort of gaffe five years ago that embarrassed them socially.

... This kid?  And his parents?  Well, they probably won't. 

Is that sad?  Oh, incredibly.  So how can I change that?  Why is that a bad thing?  Should I even be contemplating changing it?  Would it matter if I did?  Would his parents be offended, if I tried to give their son an opportunity at a supposedly "better" life?  Would it just instill discontent with his circumstances if I did, and thus be a failure rather than something productive?

Grr.

... Just, grr.

...



And yes, I bought a hell of a lot of meat dumplings.





<3
(Love you all, and miss you lots.  As always.)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Decision to decisions are made and not bought.

[NOTE:  my links are the same color as my background, because I fail at life.  If you see a space within the main text of a paragraph, run your mouse over it, because it's probably a clickable link.  Hearts.]

First off, Joshua Lally's birthday at Lush this Friday was amazing, epic, beautiful, and ALL other positive adjectives.  Lush introduced a series of "girly" drinks with the tagline "EPIC" - about 1.5 liters each - for 100 yuan.  I really want to bring a camera one night and take pictures;  college kids are going CRAZY for the dang things, mostly for shock value and the ability to Facebook pictures of the tankard home to their friends.  A bunch of imported beers were also announced, including the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.  Blows the Arrogant Bastard out of the water.

Good people, good times.  And afterwards, Josh, AwesomeCritcizingGuy and I watched the new "Star Trek" + ate copious quantities of BigMacs!  (Quickly coming to appreciate the quality of McDonald's, you have NO idea.)

... The only problem was that my classes at Capitol Normal University's high school began the next day at 7:30am :-\

Running through classes on adrenaline was a heck of a feeling, though, and definitely got rid of the first day jitters.  The program I'm teaching is just for one day on the weekend, for 14-15 year old students at CNU-HS.  There are six teachers (I'm definitely the youngest, dammit, though there are a couple others 20-somethings who just got out of college).  The set up:  six class groups of about thirty students each, but we only teach four classes each Saturday.  Teachers come up with the lesson, give the lecture in 45 minutes, and then move to the next class room.

And, dears?
THE STUDENTS IN CHINA ARE FREAKING AMAZING.
THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING I TEACH.

... Actually?  Let's do bullet points, those are easier to read.

BEIJING FORESTRY UNIVERSITY (kids)
Contacts:  Mr. Wang and Amy
  • 4 year olds = Four of them, two girls and two boys.  They got English names and workbooks/readers, which made their parents happy, and (thank God), I remembered to bring stickers, which made the kids somewhat docile for an hour.  By the end of the class, they were calling me "mama" instead of Laoshi Paige.  Adorbs.
  • 10/12 year olds = Four of them, three girls and a boy.  They all go to Tsinghua University primary school, and are of varying degrees of "bright", though all can speak English fairly well.  There's one little bitty tiny girl who literally cannot stop talking - she got incredibly excited when we began to list foods.  The boy (very tall, a couple years older than the girls, speaks with a stutter) is a bit shy, and has some problems with grammar, but listening in class will be good for him.  The kids' favorite sport?  Table tennis.  Not even joking.  :D
  • There are apparently three other groups of children that they signed me up for afterward - more 12 year olds, and an 11 year old who has spent a lot of time in the United States and can speak English very well.  The more I do this, the more it feels like a scam (never teach the same people twice, always "demo" classes, and haven't been paid yet), but listening to the kids say Chinese words is helpful for pronunciation, as is attempting to talk to their parents.  
  • This is the job I'll cut if I find myself getting overwhelmed, as it also takes the most energy - the little ones might be adorable, but they need a lot of attention.

LANGUAGE TRAINING CENTER
  • Just one little girl named YuGe, age 14.  She wants to go to university in the United States, and is about to take her final examination in primary school (which determines which high school YuGe will attend).  Apparently the one I'm teaching at right now is ranked #4 in Beijing, which is VERY good, considering how many high schools there happen to be.  
  • YuGe loves Twilight, Justin Bieber (AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAaaaaaaaaaaaAAAaaa), and learning about American culture.  Her parents are very wealthy;  their house is a villa, and, in Beijing, where property values are sky-high, having a three story house all your own isn't very common.

CAPITOL NORMAL UNIVERSITY HIGH SCHOOL
Already mentioned a bit about this, but there's a great deal more to say:
  • The other teachers are highly qualified for their work - everyone else has taught the high school age group before.  Five - four guys, and me - are 21-35 years old, with one older lady named Kathryn (about 45?  50?).  Kathryn works for a publishing house in Beijing, but used to teach at the University of Florida in the United States (journalism and media communications), and later on Tsinghua (primarily English).  
  • We come up with our own lesson plans, and teach them four times each Saturday to four different groups of kids.
  • Classes are ~30 students, some of whom participate more than others.  Most just want to sleep or work on other homework, but there are a few dynamic kids who sit in the front.  My first class was *glorious*.  One little boy is studying German, and got really excited when he found out I did the same in high school.  
  • Students have a lot of homework.  There's no way to properly express this to you.

IT BUSINESS CLASS (reading and writing)
  • Haven't actually gotten to meet these guys, yet, but my task is to basically teach them reading comprehension and writing skills.  They'll have homework, both in class and to take away.
  • Apparently there are fifty students.  Christ.
As always, love and miss you all.  And classes in Mandarin are going decently (though obviously not this fun).  Haven't really connected with any of the students in my class, and the cliquage has already begun - mostly into different nationalities, which is understandable.  I'm the only one whose native language is English :-\

Anyhow, more later!


<3 and stars,
Pajj

Saturday, October 9, 2010

"for make bennefit glory of the pupulation"

Haven't blogged in FOREVER, as I have the attention span of a rodent (and a penchant for utilizing hyperbole in everyday situations)... Not to mention I've been super-busy.  Here are some things that have happened:

  • Cannot move into the new dorm until Monday (according to Mr. Liu) because some paperwork needs to be run by the engineering department.  Have lost all hope of attaining a decent housing situation. The hellish concrete room is fine, for the moment, but... I miss hot showers, and would gladly pay someone for the privilege of letting me use theirs'. 
  • There are so many Koreans in Wudaokou!  Apparently, if the kids do not score well enough on tests in school and cannot make it into a good university (either in Korea, the United States, or somewhere in Europe), their parents send them to China as a sort of punishment.  Korean restaurants and dance clubs abound, as do Korean snack foods and Korean-targeted brands.  Japanese culture is practically non-existent, though;  there are a few eateries, a few fashion things, and that's about it (which is expected, given the political situation).
  • Sanlitun sells sex, sports, and alcohol - else, businesses are guilty of a lot of false advertising.
  • I'm contemplating a language exchange with one of the Fuwuyuans at Lush (Gary is really smart, and was a mathematics major at his old university before he had to drop out due to financial concerns).  His dream is to finish school, and pursue an advanced degree in the United States - which means that he needs to improve his English and start studying for the GRE + GRE Subject Tests.  Gary also apparently doesn't like Computer Science, which could be a problem, because the Chinese university's version of "Math" major is basically CAAM. 
    • Was planning on getting some Differential Equations and Multivariable Calculus books myself to puzzle through, anyway.  We'll see how it goes.  
    • I... uh.  Also might have purchased a Merriam Webster's Vocabulary Builder which doesn't seem to be doing much in the way of building my vocabulary so much as teaching me the historical context surrounding word origins.  He can have that, too.
  • Practicing Mandarin!  Both in real life and via the workbooks.  This, however, is not enough, and should start learning as many characters as possible.  The bus system is good for this, because on the signs they list the Hanzi and Pinyin for each stop, but still.  Not enough. 
  • JOBS:  ... a few.
    • Acting as a lecturer for a course at the high school affiliated with Capitol Normal University.  Topic (fingers crossed):  history and philosophy of science.  Saturday mornings, 8-12:00 pm.
    • English Language teacher for a bunch of IT executives at Tsinghua.  Sundays, 1:30 - 4:30pm.
    • English language teacher for kids ages 4 - 6 years old, at the Forestry University.  Friday evenings, 6 - 8:00pm.
    • English language tutor in college prep for a 14-year-old girl who wishes to study abroad in the United States, eventually.  Sundays, 9 - 11am.
    • And then there's the freelance stuff, which ranges from the HTML/copy editing work to the SPSS stuff to getting fMRIs done. 
    • Trying to get a position in a research lab, but that's going to be difficult.
  • READING - been doing a lot of it.
    • China's Megatrends
    • Freakonomics
    • Harvard Business Review of Doing Business in China
    • Guns, Germs, and Steel (currently reading)
    • American Gods (currently reading)
    • general science articles
    • school books
  • The kids here are adorable!  And so are the little college girls in my dormitory.  They do EVERYTHING together - even holding purses, one at either strap.  The affected childlike behavior gets old quickly, though. I'm sick of the giggling and the wide-eyes and the temper tantrum stomping in stores until cookies or cakes are bought for them.
  • Speaking of which, Chinese bakeries are the most magical, delicious places in the history of the world and personally, I would be content to never eat anywhere else EVER AGAIN.
  • LONELY
    • There's no peace quite like being an island in a sea of happy, reveling internationals.
    • ... Then again, no man is an island.
  • GUITAR
    • Haven't been practicing as much as I should.  Need to get an instruction book, or copy one off the internet, but right now all I do is read sites and then go home and practice strumming.  
  • TRAVEL
    • Haven't been out of Beijing.  Fail.

Love you all <3 
More later!
- Paige

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Sins of a Sino Empire" (RTS)

Updates and such!

Yesterday evening, I met with Director Wang and Amy at the Beijing Forestry University in order to have sort of an "audition" to tutor two small children.  Did I know my pupils were small children, and did I know that it would be an audition, in front of my pupils' parents?  Nope.  Did I know that the little girl would have the most severe case of ADHD that I've ever witnessed, or that the little boy would put his hands over his ears, refuse to talk, and bawl uncontrollably until his mother or father placated him with chocolates? 

Why, no.  No, I didn't.

Needless to say, that was a bit of a disappointment, and was seriously considering breaking off all contact with the foreign language children's school - until tonight.  And, Christ, these other kids?  They're ADORABLE!  One of them, whose name is Sissy, looks and acts almost identically to a kid I took care of at the Cheyenne River Youth Project.  She's chubby, but not overly so, and constantly hungry - her mother's purse must have had six different kinds of sweets and snacks inside.  Sissy gave me a sticker at the end of the teaching session (a bear in a party hat), and I almost melted.

The other two children, Angel and Jason, were shy, but actually participated in the lesson and seemed excited about learning - which is refreshing.  All were about 4 years old, though Jason might be closer to three.

Tomorrow afternoon at 2:00, I have an interview with a professor at Tsinghua University regarding a tutoring position for two high school students.  (As per usual, the entire situation is sketchy - his email was written in hard core Engrish, and I was asked to send in multiple pictures of myself - which I denied, primarily because he already had a copy of my head shot.)  Immediately afterward is a party for the international scholarship recipients at the China University of Geosciences.  I'm guessing that I should dress up, but haven't received much instruction on the matter at all.  Just kind of playing everything by ear, and hoping for the best.

Spoke with Daniel a bit last night about the ease of making contacts in China, and of finding work, if you're qualified, white, and have a nice resume.  Compared to the United States, everything is so much more simple!  I don't have to worry about working my way up a corporate ladder, or of wining and dining to get a placement, even if I'm more qualified than the next guy.  Everything's like one giant chess game, or a real-time strategy computer game - it's fast-paced, and intellectually exciting.

"Sins of a Sino Empire".  Coming to a Pajj-life near you.  All I need is an epic soundtrack, and the proper steps to beat the bosses.


<3

Monday, September 27, 2010

Money talks, when people need shoes and socks.

(As for the title.)

The "SO RONERY" China-feeling has dissipated again, and I'm back to being excited about... Well, everything!  Going to class, dicking around on the internet and with my bass, reading, and exploring the city on my own (with the cunning use of public transportation!) have a tendency to make it all better.

Met with a very professional educational administrative type named Cathy who told me the details of what I'd be doing re: New Job.  The position sounds amazing - basically talking to senior high school kids for four hours every Saturday morning (from 8:00 - 12:00pm) about whatever topic happens to strike my interest.  It can be philosophy, science, technology, history, sociology, environmental sustainability, travel, linguistics - ANYTHING, as long as I have a coherent, fleshed-out lesson plan, a PowerPoint, and incorporate about 10 - 15 higher level vocabulary words.  The students and I have a discussion at the end of every class;  I find out what they learned and what they thought;  then get feedback for the next lesson.  Fucking awesome.

Contemplating taking up the Beijing Forestry University on their tutoring offer again, even though the original proposition was sketchy.  Told the director and his assistant that I do not feel comfortable padding my resume for parents, so they're arranging for me to have classes with older students from the university.  Same pay rate, fewer hours, but no lying - and that does a hell of a lot for my conscience.  The hours would be 7:00-8:00pm, on Tuesday and Saturday nights.

Classes at CUGB began again today, and will continue throughout the week - until National Day, when we get a seven day holiday.  Talked to a few of the masters and doctoral students, who have been BUSY socializing (two were holding hands and touching each other suggestively, it was great :D)  Apparently the date we get to move into the international dorms has been delayed (again), to some time near the middle of October.  Lovely.  Going to go talk to Mr. Liu tomorrow afternoon, before I go to meet with Director Wang at the Forestry University.  Hopefully can at least finagle a student ID number out of him.

Things that have happened!
  • The district where I bought my guitar seems to be populated almost entirely with tall, Asian musicians sporting long hair, pensive expressions, deep voices, and lots of black clothing.  
    • Thought you'd enjoy that, Clare :)
  • The Beijing Olympics might have been two years ago, but tons of the infrastructure still exists around various districts (especially Haidian's Wudaokou, and downtown, closer to the inner rings).  Skyscrapers still sport huge banners;  streets still have the iconic rings painted on the way to the stadium;  and there are direction booths (they look like phone booths) placed on basically every street corner.  A lot of the street vendors are still selling 2008 Olympics paraphernalia, too.  Kind of adorable - it's like a proud parent keeping their kids' second grade artwork on the fridge.
  • Overheard an American speaking very authoritatively to two Swedes in Pyro Pizza about how "Bush wants to insert bar codes into people in the USA, the government already does it with pets";  how he "emailed Obama about China, and a week later he gave a speech talking about my ideas, Obama's a good guy";  "no one in the United States can get a job, even if you graduate from Harvard";  how his "Mandarin is developing so well, and [he's] only been here three months, [he] just can't believe it" and how "it's impossible to get a job in China, if you're an international person, they just want Chinese people".  Really wanted to punch him.
  •  Got really confused as to where to find an artistic/scientific/philosophical crowd in Beijing last night, then realized that those are hard to find anywhere.  The fun part is looking.
  • Tattoo isn't infected, and still looks great!  
  • When I went back to the China University of Geosciences last night, there was a group of three guys sitting in the courtyard outside of my dorm strumming on acoustic guitars.  When they saw me, they got really excited, primarily because they'd noticed me carrying in my bass the other afternoon, and starting saying random stuff in Mandarin.  All I could do is shake my head really sadly, say "Bu shi" and "Jiba" and "not yet, still learning".
    • Hate language barriers, by the way.
  • Music festival coming up - featuring Rooney!  Still remember buying their self-titled debut album the day it came out in Waco, and drooling over Robert Carmine.  Missed seeing them eight times in the States (when they came to Houston, and also when they dropped by Dallas while I was still in high school).  Seriously contemplating buying a one-day ticket.
That's all for now, folks!  When I learn how to play the bass line for No Doubt's "Sunday Morning" or something Incubusy, I'll post a video.

<3

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I am the world's sketchiest person.

Things that have happened!

  • Went to Lush a couple nights ago.  Started talking to people.  Remembered I'm misanthropic, then got bored + schwasted.  Learning experiences are fun, not embarrassing at all!  At least, that's what I keep telling myself.  
    • On a positive note, hard liquor is apparently the only thing that can bring a Pajj down.  
    • THAT'S THE TEXAN IN ME.
  • Got a bass guitar + case + strap for 400 yuan (about $60 USD), which seems like a pretty decent deal.  I've always wanted to learn how to play a guitar - just know the piano, and some percussion - and the bass is something that sounds nice very quickly.
  • Devouring books.  Chuck Palahniuk is enthralling, though reading his novels feels a great deal more like having a nice whiskey than a good steak.  I miss science, guys - legitimate science classes, and lab work.  No real substitute for that. 
  • There are some really, really nice people here - the majority of whom are willing to let me crash on their couch when I'm locked out of my dorm at CUGB.  <3
  • So, if you remember correctly, the night before I got my tattoo I went wandering around Xinjiekou at 9:30pm, trying to find a parlor.  The one I'd selected via GoogleMaps - Tattoo Show, I think it was called? - was nowhere to be found;  asked a lot of people, but they were pretty clueless.  Most of the Chinese girls just looked at me like I was trying to sell them cocaine.  Not the best experience in the world.  :(
    • BUT!  There was one really nice - and very attractive - guy, with a translating app built into his iPhone, who seemed very concerned for my safety and told me that getting a tatt in China would probably be a bad idea.  "Nice girl", "wait till you go back home", etc. etc.  By this time it was pretty late, so I ordered a cab and went back home.  
    • As fortune would have it, I saw him this morning while I was out buying my bass - he owns a music store and gives lessons in guitar and piano.  Smokes like a chimney.
  • Starting a job teaching high-school-age Chinese kids English pretty soon, in addition to the one at the Forestry University (decided to take Director Wang up on the offer, even though the conditions are a bit sketch).  We'll see how it all works out.  

Miss you guys, so much.  <3