Two-headed boy, she is all you could need ... but don't hate her when she gets up to leave.

Beautiful people!  This one might be a little bit long, and I'm a bit hyped up on caffeine

• 3 Diet Cokes and 2 Pepsi Maxxes in the past four hours!
• Girl Talk's "All Day" is blasting in my headphones!
• I'm a powerhouse!  A powerhouse, I tell you!

... but there's much to tell.  Bear with me :)

FOODSTUFF

• So, did you know that Coca-Cola changed its name when their company began production in China?  The first pronunciation was apparently something to the effect of "KeKou KeLe", which translates to... "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on dialect. When the guys in administration realized that this could potentially affect their success rate with Chinese consumers, they switched to "KoKou KoLe", which means "happiness in the mouth".
• Upon entering any traditional Chinese restaurant, obvious Laowais are ushered to a seat and handed a nice, hardcover menu with pictures and prices.  A Fuwuyuan usually stands patiently nearby until they make their decision on what they'd like to eat.  Smiles all around.
• TRICKERY.  ALL OF THIS IS LIES AND TRICKS.  
• Why, you may ask?  Because there are SECRET menus, menus without pictures, but with the same dishes listed, and for much lower prices, given to the Chinese-looking people.
• Why did it take me so long to figure this out?  And it's not just a conspiracy theory, I promise - I asked for one of the non-Laowai menus a few days ago, and, lo and behold, there was my beloved beef-and-egg-layered-rice dish staring at me for a mere 14 yuan.  
• Oh, God, beef-and-egg-layered-rice-dish.  You are so, so good.
• The deliciousness of ramen is entirely dependent on the number of flavored seasoning packets used in preparation.  I'd doubted the veracity of this statement until experiencing it in real life.
• One night, while heading back home to the apartment, I stopped in a 24-hour convenience store to buy Necessities (ramen, milk, koala-bear-pudding-things, something-in-a-package-that-looks-weird-and-tastes-awful-but-I-have-to-try-it-because-OHMYGOD-shrink-wrapped-chicken-feet, etc.).  
• While I walked around and made excited noises, an older gentleman (who both looked and acted as if he had been hitting the pijiu a little bit too hard) took it upon himself to give me grocery advice - and I am *so happy* that he did.  
• The ramen TipsyDude recommended (shrimp-flavored) was so much more delicious than the super-hot stuff that I'd gotten before!  And, in his defense, it was a Friday night, so going on a bender was perfectly acceptable.  
• The fact that he was buying spray on black hair dye was, um.  Not, not so much.

• Given up on saying no to the melamine-tainted instant milk tea.  Addiction.  It's not a lovely thing.

LIFE

• I stepped out of my apartment last week, and got really excited!  Why?  Because there was a fire truck parked outside!  A real, Chinese fire truck!
• Or... I mean, what I assumed was a fire truck.  It was big, and it was blue (the color of water!) and there was a hose attached to it, which was unrolled and lying on the ground.
•  Then I noticed that there wasn't any smoke nearby, and that the people tending the truck looked a little... dirty.
• To put it mildly.
• The hose also wasn't in the process of being rolled up and placed back on the truck;  it was making weird noises and leading straight into a manhole.  There was also a mass of foul-smelling black and green material placed in a pile by a trash-bike nearby.
• Ladies and gentlemen, this was a personal introduction to Chinese sewage trucks:  large, exhaust-spewing vehicles that work hard to transport your shit to places unknown.  Like the Millenium Falcon!  Except, instead of Jedi and droids, there are used condoms and feces.  And instead of Han Solo, there's a toothless old man carrying a thermos of beef tea.
• Christ, I really hope that was beef tea.

OTHER THINGS

I've been reading Five Minds for the Future by Howard Gardner, a Harvard-educated developmental psychologist specializing in education (who writes like he would rather die than step outside of his house without a Thesaurus).  You can thank this guy for anything you remember about PSYC 101's "multiple intelligences".

Gardner classifies intelligence into five "minds", and postulates that the "creative" mind and the "synthesizing" mind will be the future's greatest commodities.  The book is very interesting;  I'm probably biased, though, since some of the author's comments about Creative Thinkers mention dropping out of school, rebelling against authority, forging non-traditional paths, dicking around on the internet, and doing whatever they dang well please.  Score!  I do most of that already, and apparently it's valuable?  Fucking win!

[More about this book will be mentioned on OtherBlog when I finish reading it.]

The guy also knows his history of science, and is fond of using shoddy experiments as examples of "false creativity".  We're never going to live down phlogiston theory or cold fusion, are we?  Lord, I hope not.  "Phlogisticated" is too much fun to say.

Oh!  And just so we're all on the same page, it looks like I'll be coming home at the end of January, after this first semester is over.  China's been an adventure, but... I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, guys :-\ 

Since the semester at CUGB ends long after the spring semester at Rice begins, I won't be back in Houston until fall 2011 (already asked the registration people and the dean).  That's cool, though;  it means I have more time to prep for the GREs and do the tail-end of applying for REUs instead of dying of boredom in my hometown.

YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT.  

IF I RETURN EARLY FROM CHINA, 

I'M GOING HOME TO HILL COUNTY.

Mr. Pinner, if you still read this, I expect a jam with you on my guitar on the front porch of Coldwell Banker.  I know, I know, you've got an acoustic and prefer country tunes, but we can make it work.  And all you other people who I haven't seen in God-knows-how-long?  Hugs.  So many.  You're getting them.

Also, apparently I can get an Associate's degree in Engineering and Computer Sciences from Hill College if I show up and take like two classes.  So that might be worthwhile?  Heck, at least it'll give me something to do.

At any rate!  Get prepared, y'all will be seeing a Pajj sooner than expected :)

Hearts and stars,
Pajj